Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Oh, dear...

Right now I'm horribly jealous to all who have children... That little sweet thing there is me, at the age of 2 or something like that. I was born 1969 and the date behind the photo is 1971.

I'm violently jealous. I want to go and kill all the children in the world, because I have none. No-one else should have children either.

What have I done to not deserve children? I would have been a good mom. The world is full of people who are horrible moms and dads and they have children. People abuse, rape, kill and maim children all over the world all the time... I wouldn't have done that. I would have been a good mom, and given my children everything they need, and a lot of what they want...

But - no kids. So f-ing unfair.

And that cannot be explained by the fact that I have Asperger's. That I didn't have a boyfriend was because of AS, but children... I was 26 when I started being with my current husband, and that would have been quite ok age to have children. Now I'm 42.

P.S. I just found out that the fertility clinic committed a medical error. They refused to treat me even though they didn't have any legal reason to do so... At that time - 10 years ago - my husband and I fulfilled every necessary condition. They should have given me treatment, and... Even though chances for pregnancy are only about 1/3, I would have had three chances, and by that time the chances grow - it's 3/4 chances to get pregnant by three treatments.
They stole my baby. Now it's too late.

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