Friday, October 30, 2009

First goal reached!

This morning I weighed exactly 100.0 kilos!

I am still not hungry, but the gravings come and go. I have noticed that if I eat a good breakfast and drink water properly (a lot, that is), there isn't as much gravings.
On the other hand, I am going to bake today - Danish dark rye, Challah and Karelian pastries (pirogies).
Danish rye recipe is Camilla Plum's Old School rye - the recipe is in Danish - with Jan Hedh's sourdough from the book "Bröd" (Bread).
Challah recipe is from the Complete International Jewish Cookbook by Evelyn Rose.
Karelian rice pierogis are an old national recipe I learned in school. This is ok, but I use all rye. (wheat is for whimps ;-)). The name may vary from Karelian pierogis to Karelian rice pastries to Karelian rye-crusted pastries to even Karelian pies. (the word "piirakka" in Finnish is used of all these sorts of baked goods. Sometimes "pasteija" is used of the finer sort of pastries/pierogis.)
I also know I am going to taste everything I bake. Not good for the diet, better for the feelings.

It has been horrible to stand out with the feelings of being left without and outside, not having, being poor and lonely. Food, especially delicacies, is a cheap way of feeling rich. When I was a kid, we didn't have money to buy candy and "white bread", and the food was rationed - as we were 6 kids growing up, and there wasn't much money - I have been eating to fill the hole, to secure I will never be hungry again and I will never be without anything good. My table is to overflow of cream and wheat, candy and baked goods, meat and butter.
So now as I am not eating, the overflowing table is just a nuisance, a temptation... but the feelings of being without are still there.

But it's Friday and I may eat what ever I wish. I am going to make myself some pasta with minced meat sauce, just the way my mother did it, and eat it with rye bread, I am going to eat the pastries, I am going to eat some potato chips and a little wine gums :-) Or not exactly LOL I am going to eat one tiny bowl of pasta, half of a slice of rye bread, one Karelian pastry and a tiny bowl of chips (50g) and perhaps 2 or 3 wine gums. I don't want to slip back to my old ways.

One thing I have noticed, is that when I don't eat much, what I eat tastes 10 times more. I have noticed that I don't miss salt, but I have developed a taste for sour things. I have also noticed, that I get satisfied with very little - 2 cookies is enough. I don't need to eat the whole package of cookies. I don't need to eat 2-4 person's portions, 2, 3 forkfulls is enough. I'm sure that if I continue with this, I will get my relation with food in order, and live happily ever after, not overweight.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Week 2, Day 2

I am very depressed.
I am still not hungry, I have lost 4 something kilos in 9 days. I am sort of getting rid of the addiction, but... *sigh* Now I'm in the place where you really don't want to get rid of it, because it fills a space in your life, and now that space is empty, and I don't know what to fill it with.
("Pray and meditate", says my hubby. Blah, says I.)

Sunday, October 25, 2009

First week is over

It's sunday afternoon, and I have been eating very little the whole week. I have eaten a little yogurt and drank a little juice every day, the rest has been mostly water and a couple of cups of tea.

On Friday evening I allowed myself to eat a little cabbage stew with rye bread - I ate like three forkfulls and two bites of the sandwich, and gave the rest to the dog. I just didn't want to eat more. I also allowed myself 50g of potato chips and 5 cookies, of which I ate the chips and 2 cookies, and it felt too much. I felt like I had eaten a good dinner, that I wasn't refusing myself the goodness of food.

Then on Saturday I was surfing the Bread Baking Babes and Daring Bakers, encountered apple strudel, wanted to make that. (Not eat.) That lead me to pulling noodles in my hands. Unfortunately, one of the videos showing noodle pulling, also showed some Chinese pork pasties, that look exactly like Tatar Peremech pastries, and THOSE are... those are DIVINE!!! I could eat tons of those, and I couldn't make those and not eat all I can.
So I went to the kitchen and tried to make noodles, but I think my dough is too stiff. I threw it away and now I'm going to kitchen to make another batch, with more water this time. :-)

I feel ok, I'm not hungry, I don't have gravings so hard I can't handle them. I want this and that, but it's ok not to have it.

I weighed 106 kilos when I started, now I weigh 102.7

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Ok... not eating since Monday

Though it's not 100% not eating. I eat a little yogurt every day, to keep the tummy bacteria in order. But this is day 4 of my no-eat diet. I drink a cup of tea, some juice with added vitamins and such and less sugar, I take my vitamins and extra iron and fish oil capsules, the rest is water. I drink like 2 liters every day.
I haven't lost any weight since Tuesday.
But I also have PMS, so I suppose I'm retaining water. *sigh*
I have lost so far 2 kilos, and 2 kilos a week is GREAT! I should be weighing myself once a week, and not every day. That way I would actually see how I loose weight.

I am not hungry or graving much either. That was a huge surprise to me. I expected it to be harder.
I was thinking about Over-eaters Anonymous, and addiction and abstinence - In OA it is said that being addicted to food is very hard thing to handle, because we have to eat to live.
I was thinking about the Scottish man who didn't eat for over a year.
I think about all of us who are obese, and could stop eating - the amount of damage we do to our bodies when we don't eat is actually less than what we do when we eat too much and when what we eat is unhealthy - too little fibers, too little vitamins and minerals, too much fat, starch and sugar.

My tummy isn't hard and swollen, but soft and sort of flat. I have plenty of tummy fat, so it cannot be flat, but it's not like a full blown balloon, like it often is.

My energy level is very low, I don't sleep well, but that hasn't changed at all from when I started this. I expect the change in my weight and the pills I get from my doctors to take care of my pains and sleeping.

I cannot keep myself warm. I have 2 pairs of wool socks on top of each other and my feet are cold, so cold they hurt. My fingers are cold too. That didn't bother me too much before I started this fasting.

I am very depressed right now, but it can be due to several reasons that has nothing to do with fasting. Let's see how I am after the periods.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Oh, dear, how I want to eat!

It's the evening of the second day of experience, I haven't eaten anything but a little yoghurt and drank some tea and water.
I went to kitchen to clean it, and saw some boiled potatoes, cold, with skin... I looked at them and thought that when I want to eat them, cold, then I'll eat.
I dream about candy, baked goods, cookies with milk, french fries - basically junkfood and sugar. But when I think of actually eating the stuff... We have some ice cream and french fries in freezer, it's just to go and have me some. No-one is going to stop me, no-one is going to think any less of me.
But - the thing is that it's working...
And the mere thought of actually EATING the food doesn't appeal to me.

Second day fasting...

I'm not hungry. At least not that I know of. I have probably eaten for desire only for so long I wouldn't even recognize hunger. But I am wanting...
My husband ordered some chicken and french fries while we were talking in the phone, and I heard him later bite to the fries... Mmmmmmm...!
I was thinking about the story of boiled potatoes and eggs, and, mmm.... I want some boiled eggs and potatoes!
Perhaps I am hungry LOL

BTW, to something else. You know the lovely story of the boy who saved his girlfriend by trixing her to take the only helmet, when the brakes of his motorcycle broke? They have rewritten it... obviously they totally missed the message of the original story and wanted to make it sadder. :->
Sad? Not the least! Makes me happy that the stupid people died.
And I came to think about the people to whom the story of the potatoes and eggs wasn't good enough... "The carrots went in strong, hard and unrelenting, but after being subjected to the boiling water, they softened and became weak." Doesn't seem to me they understood the original story either >:->
BTW I hate coffee.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

We don't need to eat to live

A 200 kilos man from Scotland lived over a year without anything but water and vitamins. He didn't eat anything for over a year! He lost 125 kilos. He didn't die. He didn't develop weird sicknesses and conditions. His intestines didn't stop functioning. Sure, he was under a doctor's surveillance all the time. I haven't been able to verify this story, but it was in Horizon's "Why Aren't Thin People Fat", so I assume it's real. As I haven't been able to verify the story, I don't know whether this guy is still alive and normal weighed, or what medical consequences he got from that.

We are using almost 2000 kronas every month to food. If we ate nothing but water and vitamines, we would save 2000 cronas every month! Amazing!

I wonder what Henric would say...

Of course he got defensive and we have a massive argument. *sigh*

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Geocities is closing...

...and I'm vacuuming data... so many sites, so little time. But - I'll get what I am supposed to get. The Universum has its way of getting me the information I need.

My therapist told me today that she cannot work with me. Or actually, I told her that I cannot work with her. I don't feel she gives me any response, feedback, suggestions, support nor tools, so what the heck do I need her for? Obviously she agrees with me, so - no more therapy. Fun.

Nevertheless, you know I have been sick and getting worse the last 10 years. While I was collecting information, I run to this:

Out-of-Shape Immune Systems

We all know the signs that prove that our bodies are "out of shape". Our body fat increases, we tire more easily, walking short distances can tire us or cause us to be short of breath, and we usually find it hard to become motivated to make changes. We get depressed more easily, we don't eat right, and we don't care about exercise. What does this have to do with our immune system? ...just about everything... When the immune system is "out of shape", we feel fatigued, we lose the fight against depression, our hearing and eyesight begins to fail, we have muscle aches, digestion problems, find it hard to get restful sleep, and have no energy for even the most mundane of things. Just as we have to keep our bodies healthy, we have to do the things that will keep our immune systems healthy.

- Improve the diet
- Get more sleep
- Get the right kind of exercise in the right amounts
- Improve the attitudes that dictate how we handle stress

9 Essential Immune Boosting Nutrients

Vitamin A and Beta-Carotene

Found in most fruits and vegetables, especially yellow - carrots, cantaloupe yams (sweet potatoes)
Protects against tumor growth and cancerous disorders
Boosts white blood cells that detoxify your system

Vitamin B6

Whole grains, potatoes, nuts, lean meats, poultry, dark leafy vegetables
Helps to distribute the needed amino acids that build and repair the cellular walls of your immune system to resist infectious diseases


Found in legumes, salmon, dark leafy vegetables, eggs and liver (eggs and liver are high in cholesterol - consume in moderation)
Essential in the formation of cells, especially red blood cells

Vitamin C

Citrus fruits, tomatoes, cabbage, and other raw leafy vegetables, strawberries, melons, kiwi (excellent source in small package - 2 kiwi provide a day's RDA of Vitamin C)
Essential to the healing of wounds, formation and maintenace of the capillary walls, guards against infection by stimulating white blood cells

Vitamin E

Wheat germ, whole grains, vegetabel oils, cereals
Strengthens the immune system at several levels. Prevents damage to cells, stimulates white blood cells. Effective and lifesaving antioxidant


Seafoods, lean meats, poultry, eggs, whole grains, and garlic
Guards clees against damage, builds resistance to tissue breakdown and counteracts the effects of toxic byproducts


Whole grains, oats, seafood, eggs, meat and poultry
Boosts energy levels, is a helper in many immune functions, needed for insulin to work and for carbohydrates to metabolize


Liver, green leafy vegetables, raisins, whole grain breads and cereals, prune juice, wheat bran, and brewer's yeast
Oxygen carrying element of the blood, and an essential part of every cell.

Omega-3 Fatty Acids

Seafoods, trout, mackerel, and salmon
Valuable in increasing the activity of the white blood cells and are important in the cleansing and detoxification of your system