Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Things not to say...

I have Asperger's.
I meet people all the time who tell me either a) I don't have Asperger's or b) everyone has some form of Asperger's.
Neither of those claims are true. Asperger's is a neurological defect that impacts my life in many ways and makes the challenges I meet every day very different from the challenges people with normal neurology meet. It is offensive to deny my reality or try to claim my reality as yours, because you have quirks and stuff.
We all do.
I know.
But we all don't have Asperger's.
I do.

The same way, I have BDD.
I look in the mirror and don't just see "imperfection" or "legitimately funky" features or "some aspect that could use improvement". I see a hideously ugly person, a troll, not only a troll, but a troll that is ugly even for a troll. I see a person who is so disgusting and repulsive, that it makes it hard for other people to be around me. I'm so ugly people must really fight to be able to smile and be nice and kind to me.

My family says they think I'm beautiful, but they would, now, wouldn't they. They are my family. They have lived with me since I was a baby (I'm the youngest) so they are used to how I look. Besides, they see ME, not my shell.
My husband thinks I'm beautiful, but he would, now, wouldn't he. He's my husband.
But the rest of the world... I'm 100% convinced that they see an ugly, hideous, disgusting, repulsive troll, that's why they look at me, that's why they laugh at me, that's what they discuss when I'm around. It is humiliating to go outside. I didn't do anything to deserve this ugliness. I don't understand why the rest of my family looks better than people in average, but in me the features that made my parents beautiful, are so awful on me. I inherited the worst bits in the worst possible combination.
And there's nothing I can do to improve things.
I look even worse with make-up and when I dress nicely, I look like a cross-dressing chimpanzee. Transvestite troll from hell.

I bet the majority of the world does NOT feel that way about their "imperfection" and "aspects that could use improvement".
Saying that "we are all victims" is just offensive, insensitive and ignorant.

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