Saturday, June 9, 2012

Change your thoughts, change your life

I just watched the first free video about "bestseller blueprint" - Interesting...
the guys are really selling their course :-D

I knew already a lot of what they were saying... I was reminded of "1000 true fans" and branding yourself. They talked about the basics, like what to think when you plan how to market your book (and your brand), and how important it is to think about these things already when you write your book...
Then they were talking about the importance of mindset and the principles of "The Secret"... The thing with "The Secret" is that you don't need to BELIEVE in it to DO it... it doesn't take much effort, time or resources, and it won't hurt... but it might actually work. (It does.)

They were talking about the most important piece of what makes a person a best-selling author - and that is TO WRITE.
Commit yourself to becoming a best-selling author.
Plan how to do it, have a daily discipline, break the chore into doable bits, and then just do them.
Don't just sit there and dream, wish and hope, DO.
Don't excuse not doing, DO.
Don't justify not doing, don't explain, find a way to do it, and DO it.
To get things done, you need to DO them.
Just do it. Don't blame, complain, bitch and moan. DO.

One step at a time. One small chore every day.

And this is how you get ANYTHING done.
I have read these same words when it comes to fitness too.
I have heard them from my therapist, when it comes to living the life without fear and anxiety.

I have read these same words from every self-improvement site out there, and in every self-improvement book I've ever read.
To me the most important thing about the video was that people want to hear my story and they want to learn what I have to teach... they are interested. They want to read my book!
My words are more important than what I think... Writing a book is talking WITH people. They create a relationship with me, they respond emotionally to what I say... a book makes a difference. If I WANT to write a book, it is my DUTY to write the book, and make it available to the audience. I need to tell my story, I need to give the people an opportunity to read my book. I need to share...

But the most interesting bit of that was the E+R=O - event + reaction/response = outcome
“Between stimulus and response there is a space; 
in that space lies our power to choose our response 
and in our response lies our growth and freedom.”
- Victor Frankl, Austrian psychologist.
We can't change what has happened, how people treat us, what people say and do, the historical events, and the more small scale events, our private traumas and crisis, we can't influence the weather or the catastrophes of our lives, not natural nor man-made, not the huge nor the tiny, petty ones.
But what we can change, what we have the power over, what we have influence over, is how we react and respond to these events... We can and do choose out attitude, thoughts and reactions.
And THAT makes ALL the difference in what is the outcome of each event in our lives...
We do have 100% responsibility of our lives. We can't blame anyone of our own reactions, and thus we can't blame anyone for our miserable lives. The only reason for us to have miserable lives is because we choose to have miserable lives...


I have been on this route earlier too, when I was talking about the attitude on life. I talked about the 9 years old prostitute in India, who could have chosen to be a victim of trafficking and pedophilia, but who chose to be proud of who and what she was... the most popular "woman"... and that made all the difference for her. I'm not saying trafficking and pedophilia is ok, because neither is not ok by any standard, but that we have the power over how we deal with what ever our lives give to us, even when it is something as bad as that... and just because bad things happen - sometimes really bad things - it doesn't need to mean our lives are bad...

I have been talking about it, but I haven't been listening... because I still am a victim, helpless victim of "bad people", "bad things", "bad life"... I choose to react by believing I'm not worth good life and good things. I read all those aphorisms and quotes and advice and inspirational words, but I don't really believe in them...

Now, response is made up of what we choose to do, how we choose to act, what we think about what happened and what we imagine... the story we tell about the event.
To change the outcome all we need to do is to tell ourselves a different story... We need to create a different response...
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

For example - when studying languages, I read about how to use the "hidden moments" to my advantage. How I should keep a pack of note cards with me or a dictionary, so that I can study language while waiting in line, at doctor's office, at traffic jam... I can choose to see that time as an opportunity to study, or as frustrating forced waste of time... Now, which way of thinking do you think benefits me more? The event - waiting - is the same, but the first response creates an outcome where I end up knowing more, feeling good about myself and being pretty relaxed and happy about the way things are. The second response creates stress, irritation, anger, might cause me to do stupid decisions, like starting to yell at people or get up and leave and not get my errand done. And I will be at bad mood for a while after the situation has ended...

Or take a comment, perhaps on the internet or by a co-worker. I can choose to take the comment as something negative and get upset, sad, angry because of it. I can choose to ignore the comment. I can choose to give the comment different importance - "don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff" - what does this person know about me and my life situation? What do I know about him? Perhaps he's just having a bad day, or perhaps he has misunderstood something, or perhaps I have misunderstood something... And, really, what importance does one comment have in my life and self-esteem? Nothing!

Let's take another example. A and B do the same job and get the same salary. A saves half of his salary, B spends all of it. In 10 years, A buys himself a house. B cannot, because he doesn't have any savings. The event is the same, the outcome different, simply because A and B chose different responses.
"You can change your thinking; change your habits; your perceptions and ultimately your response to the events of your life. But often we elect to take the easy route and refuse to work on the easiest part – change ourselves. Consequently we end up being nothing but a bundle of conditioned reflexes, forfeiting the liberty and growth that is supposed to attend our lives because we don’t work on our responses."
- Felix Onyango
 P.S. "If only __________ , then..." Be very attentive to these words and their kin... your regrets tell about your dreams and what your life is supposed to be... So blame, excuse, bitch, moan, whine, mourn for a while and give all your life's biggest disappointments and regrets a good cry, and WRITE THEM DOWN - because as long as you live, you can change these things, and when you're dead - no-one cares. Not even you...

"If only I was beautiful, I had not been bullied"
Hmm... there are several ways around this:
1) You can make yourself beautiful.
2) You can heal from bullying and deal with the PTSD, and you can learn how to handle being bullied, so you won't get harmed when it happens again.
3) How do you think your life would have been different had you not been bullied? Give yourself what you believe the bullying deprived your life.
4) What good things did you learn from it? What good things came from having been bullied?
5) You can help others who have been bullied in their lives.

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