Yes, I know I shouldn't.
I know it's just strengthening the obsession.
Or - at least it should have.
But this time it didn't.
Might be because I had been asking the RIGHT questions of "him" when discussing The Event. I wanted him to make it clear to me that a) in another situation he would have wanted me and b) I wouldn't want him. Really. At least, I wouldn't want to change my husband to him.
Well... last night I saw a photo that answered both those questions to me.
1) I'm very similar to his girlfriend. Except that I'm... well... better.
Besides, it doesn't matter what HE says, I would still believe he THINKS the way I think he does. If what he says doesn't match what I think, I'd believe he was lying.
So - better fix MY thoughts of myself.
2) I don't want his lifestyle.
How could I know his lifestyle of one picture?
I don't need to know if my preconceived notions of the story the picture tells are correct or not. All I need is to think that I don't want his lifestyle. I don't want to live the way he apparently wants to.
There's nothing wrong with his lifestyle, it just is not for me.
Now, I think he might be a bit more... uh. I'm not going there.
He has made his choice, I have made mine, we are both happy with our choices, and that's all there is to it.
So - I still want to travel. I'm really envious of Benny the Irish Polyglot and his social life - or the impression one gets - and I would like to travel and speak with all kinds of people. People ARE interesting and they all have a story - a lot of stories... and all that is really interesting.
And then I was thinking about what kind of impression I make.
A fat, middle-aged ugly lady with a weird sense of style?
Well... that's one way of looking at it.
Another is this:
This is Zoë Wanamaker playing Ariadne Oliver
This is Maggie Smith playing Augusta Bertram
This is Angela Lansbury playing Emily Pollifax
Now, I'm not saying I'm Zoë, Maggie or Angela, nor that I'm Ariadne, Augusta or Emily.
But mrs. Oliver is an eccentric middle-aged lady, traveling alone, aunt Augusta is most definitely an eccentric elder lady - with no problems traveling alone and Mrs Pollifax... Well... she was an elderly lady traveling alone too, and not remarkable beautiful or so.
Also, Zoë, Maggie and Angela are not especially beautiful in the classic manner, but they all... they are beautiful in their own way, amazing, wonderful women...
I am in good company with these ladies as my role models :-D