This morning I weighed exactly 100.0 kilos!
I am still not hungry, but the gravings come and go. I have noticed that if I eat a good breakfast and drink water properly (a lot, that is), there isn't as much gravings.
On the other hand, I am going to bake today - Danish dark rye, Challah and Karelian pastries (pirogies).
Danish rye recipe is Camilla Plum's Old School rye - the recipe is in Danish - with Jan Hedh's sourdough from the book "Bröd" (Bread).
Challah recipe is from the Complete International Jewish Cookbook by Evelyn Rose.
Karelian rice pierogis are an old national recipe I learned in school. This is ok, but I use all rye. (wheat is for whimps ;-)). The name may vary from Karelian pierogis to Karelian rice pastries to Karelian rye-crusted pastries to even Karelian pies. (the word "piirakka" in Finnish is used of all these sorts of baked goods. Sometimes "pasteija" is used of the finer sort of pastries/pierogis.)
I also know I am going to taste everything I bake. Not good for the diet, better for the feelings.
It has been horrible to stand out with the feelings of being left without and outside, not having, being poor and lonely. Food, especially delicacies, is a cheap way of feeling rich. When I was a kid, we didn't have money to buy candy and "white bread", and the food was rationed - as we were 6 kids growing up, and there wasn't much money - I have been eating to fill the hole, to secure I will never be hungry again and I will never be without anything good. My table is to overflow of cream and wheat, candy and baked goods, meat and butter.
So now as I am not eating, the overflowing table is just a nuisance, a temptation... but the feelings of being without are still there.
But it's Friday and I may eat what ever I wish. I am going to make myself some pasta with minced meat sauce, just the way my mother did it, and eat it with rye bread, I am going to eat the pastries, I am going to eat some potato chips and a little wine gums :-) Or not exactly LOL I am going to eat one tiny bowl of pasta, half of a slice of rye bread, one Karelian pastry and a tiny bowl of chips (50g) and perhaps 2 or 3 wine gums. I don't want to slip back to my old ways.
One thing I have noticed, is that when I don't eat much, what I eat tastes 10 times more. I have noticed that I don't miss salt, but I have developed a taste for sour things. I have also noticed, that I get satisfied with very little - 2 cookies is enough. I don't need to eat the whole package of cookies. I don't need to eat 2-4 person's portions, 2, 3 forkfulls is enough. I'm sure that if I continue with this, I will get my relation with food in order, and live happily ever after, not overweight.