Seasonal color theory

This is the best test to find your colors:

The idea is simple. You like the colors best that fit you best. You like the style best that fits you best.

So - choose your favorite colors. You can pick as many of the colors you like. If you like all the burgundies, for example, pick all of them. In the end, you will have picked most colors from one column.
If you picked most colors from first column, you are a summer.
If you picked most colors from second column, you are a winter.
If you picked most colors from third column, you are a spring.
If you picked most colors from fourth column, you are an autumn.

You'll probably have quite a lot from another column, too, and less in the two others.

The column with most choices is your main season, the column with second most choices is your secondary season.

They say there are 4, 12 or 16 seasons, depending on how one sees thing.
First there were only four, and people were considered belonging 100% to one season. Now, all the colors of the season didn't work as well with all the people in the season, and this was noted already in the first version.
The second version counted three versions of each season; the main season was considered leaning to one of the others. Dark autumns were considered being autumn-winters; light and softer autumns were autumn-summers and the light and bright autumns were autumn-springs, and so on.
The third version is that there are actually some people who don't "lean" anywhere. They could actually use all the colors from their main palette equally well, and couldn't add colors from another season.

For example, me.

I hate purple. All shades of it. I know I look amazing in bright violet, but I don't like it. (I think they call it "grape")

I love burgundy. Especially, the rich, chocolate-y maroon-y burgundy. Some call it aubergine, some plum, some dark cherry... I call it the color of black flowers :-)

I also love blue-greens. Almost all shades of it. I don't like cyan and strong turquoise, but aqua is lovely.

I got most of my dots on Spring, about half as many on Autumn, and a few in Summer and Winter.

You can also do this differently.
Choose the colors you dislike most.

I don't like muted colors, murky, "dirty" colors, "dusty" colors, grey or bright, sharp colors, like "shocking", "electric" or neon.
If you look at these charts for Spring, those colors marked as "worst colors" ARE the worst colors I know. Old rose, lavender rose, pink lavender, English lavender, rosy brown, taupe, mauve, mauve taupe... yuk!

Bright aqua makes my skin look amazing.

Seven kilos in April

That's nice. I try to keep me on the carpet and not start planning on keeping that pace.

I'm also working against my inner critic (trying to tame her to be a good adviser in stead of the critical bitch she is now) and my inner saboteur... and that's a hard one.

It is hard to recognize when the things suggested by that voice are my own wishes, and which are saboteur speaking.

Right now I just want to fantasize about a certain someone who in my fantasies love me, and show it too. But it always ends up with me crying, because it is very different from the reality, and it makes me think about how different the reality is and in what ways, and it makes me feel really bad, and do nothing the rest of the day, or week or month, but lie in my bed and cry.

And what I WANT is to
- lose weight
- get exercising, moving, improving my physical fitness
- learn Maltese
- translate, write and illustrate books
- learn to bake really well
- learn to cook really well
- learn to use my camera really well
- and some 20 other things. Or 200. Or more. Not sure about the number. (But "50 things before I'm 50" and "100 things in 1001 days" are a good beginning of the list... >:->

I really don't want to waste my days by fantasizing about people who are not part of my life or by having a pity party - or being on Pinterest.

But - seven kilos... :-) Nice. (That's about 15 pounds.)

P.S. Here's 67 science-backed ways to lose weight! Go and read. It's not stupid.

How are you? I'm fine, thanks!

I'm on Atkins again. This time it seems it's going to work.
I don't like it. I want to glutton on pasta, bread and pastry, I have been on Pinterest, and it's full of wonderful recipes of cakes and sweets and lovely things. :-(
Well... the internet will be there in a year, when I can eat something like that once a month or so.
That's the thing with it. I just need to remember not to give up what I really, really, really want, for what I feel like wanting right now. :-D

I really want to lose weight. I really hate being the "fat aunt". I know it's good for my nieces and nephews, to know fat people and to know we are good and kind and fun and wise and nice to be with.
But - I don't want to be that aunt.
I want to be that active, slender, able aunt, whom you ask to go skateboarding or freerunning with you :-D

Another thing.

I read yesterday about the inner critic. Mine is really bad. She is kind of the woman I would have been, if I had had a good self-confidence. I would have been a real bitch. She is ruthless, critical, intelligent, and demanding. And she has that nasty "I'm just telling you the truth, so that you won't go imagining things and getting hurt" attitude. You know, when people tell you "truths" in the most hurtful and inconsiderate manner, and you ought to be grateful, because she just wants the best for you. Bitch.

Anyway, I have a "bodyguard". What Little My would be, if she was normal size human and about 14, and she has a baseball bat, which she swings, when she chases away the people I'm not to think about, like my inner critic, or... someone.

And I find myself protecting him from her. I want to have him in my life.
So even if the memories make me cry, I try desperately hang on to them, even though they are so twisted now, that they only make me cry and feel really bad about myself... but that's better than not having him at all.

Hello, yeah, it's been a while
Not much, how 'bout you?
I'm not sure why I called
I guess I really just wanted to talk to you
And I was thinking maybe later on
We could get together for a while
It's been such a long time
And I really do miss your smile

I'm not talking 'bout moving in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out
And I'd really love to see you tonight

We could go walking through a windy park
Or take a drive along the beach
Or stay at home and watch T.V.
You see, it really doesn’t matter much to me

I'm not talking 'bout moving in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out
And I'd really love to see you tonight

I won't ask for promises
So you won't have to lie
We've both played that game before
Say I love you, then say goodbye

I'm not talking 'bout moving in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out
And I'd really love to see you tonight

And I'm angry at myself, because I shouldn't... and that's the inner critic voicing herself again. Brumma!

I am a Bohemian

Not "Bohemian" as in originating from Bohemia, nor bohémienne, that is a Romani.
I am an intellectual artist with unconventional lifestyle.

I don't work, but I do a lot.

I pursue all forms of art, from music and literature to arts and crafts and architecture and theater. All of it.

I come from noble blood, and am the seventh child of my parents. I am a witch and consider myself not on the hierarchical pyramid, but outside it. I socialize as easily with kings as with homeless people. (Which actually are more close to each other than the Dursleys of this world.)

I have nothing against polygamy, pansexualism and free love, though I choose to live in a monogamous marriage. I think I might be polyamorous.

I don't think I'm a wandered, a vagabond, an adventurer... But I do admire people who are.

I am an eccentric, an aesthetic and somewhat of a hedonist. Epicurean, I'd say.

Do I have unorthodox or anti-establishment political or social view? Not really. I'm social liberal and I consider all people equal, and I don't much care about money... not enough to actually do something to get it. I am more for the economically free Star Trek society, of bartering and collectives. I'm for all things frugal, sustainable and ecological, and skilled in homely arts and crafts. I could support me and my family in forest with nothing but a knife.

I do think "bobo" - bourgeois bohemians - are a joke and an offense. Just like Christian Pagans. The idea of bohemianism is to be exactly not bourgeois. Bourgeois is the wealthy middle-class, "white wannabes" (and "white" in this doesn't mean skin color, but the class system of Finnish civil war), people who think things are "good" because they cost a lot, and rich people are always right simply because they are rich. These people usually vote for conservative - or what everyone else votes. In Sweden they are mostly social democrat. Which has less and less to do with socialism, because the people who vote for them want to be rich and grand and... bourgeoisie.

Why am I saying all this?
I encountered a Pinterest "person" (I don't know if this entity is one person or many, but at Pinterest a "person" is an entity with a profile and a board. Like "Ketutar" or "Martha Stewart".) calling herself something bohemian, and she has named all her boards "bohemian ---". And she doesn't seem to have the slightest idea what bohemian really is.

 Dries van Noten coat

Her idea of "bohemian fashion" is really fashion. Haute Couture. Catwalks and Vogue.

Her idea of "bohemian interior" is minimalist. Yes, with a little Moroccan influence, and "old, worn" things, but the industrial chic "old, worn", not the folklore "old, worn". If it only looked like something a homeless person could live, but, no, it's very stylish and expensive. Straight from any high street interior design magazine. I really can't see artists and outsiders and eccentric people living in these rooms. I can see people like... not bourgeois, not the new rich, no, artistic, yes, but jet set. Fashion designers who really don't make clothes I'd wear, editorial personnel of magazines of style and fashion, people with a lot of money, people who dress in neutrals. People who don't have kids or relatives. People who wear shoes and go to a hairdresser regularly.
The style is not rich, it's expensive.

 Bodie and Fou - "my home in London"

Jane Price Stephens

And neon? Neon has nothing to do with Bohemian! Not after 80's when it was made for everyone.

http://www.brightontheday.com/

The thing with "bohemian" is that it does include such unlikable attributes like "dirty", "shabby", "messy", "unkempt", "laissez-faire", some "je ne sais quoi" indifference, but also unmistakable fantasy, richness of imagination, whimsical, amoral, childlike wildness, certain horror vacui.
Minimalism might have been bohemian in the 60's and 70's when it was new and fascinating and different, but... today? No.
I should be thinking of gypsies and singing, dancing, merry-making combined with passionate creating, painters who would cut their ears off... except for when they are being flirtatious and having fun with their friends in a taverna somewhere. Or in the wilderness. Doesn't matter. But these people would not think twice walking barefeet in the grass.

Peter Arkle; Bohemian Bootcamp

I really don't associate words like "dry-cleaning", "time manager" and... clean... with bohemian. Cold. I keep getting an idea of a person with cleaning obsession. Germ phobia. Rigid, very organized, precise, very intellectual, but totally unimaginative person. With black glasses and geometric hairdo. Pedantic.
Sure, creative. Artistic even. But... they probably use rulers or computers a lot. Graphic designer, perhaps. Potter, even. Could be designing fabrics. Rather abstract, geometric things. Precise, mathematical.
I can't see the person living in this house laughing a lot, or doing anything spontaneous and unexpected. I would say this person looks down on real bohemians. The dirty, unreliable, strange people. The romantic and poetic souls who would gather flowers just because they are so pretty, a whole bunch of flowers, arms full of flowers, and then just whack them into some pot or another, that wasn't even designed to be a flower vase, and it looks amazing. The people who build vardos and make them so not sleek and aerodynamic and designed and white, but full of carvings and colors and colors and forms and texture upon colors and forms and texture, and make it look all perfectly wonderful, wild, vivid and... just gorgeous... with every meaning of the word. Alive, sexy and joyous...

Gypsy Folk art "guitar"

I hate people

Yesterday something happened that made me think that no-one wants anything I have to give.
No-one but my family, of course.
And it reminded me of a previous experience, that I interpreted to mean exactly the same.
No-one wants what I have to give.
People don't read my blogs. Well... you do, obviously. But you are very alone on this blog.

Of course I want to have a social life.

And it's not just my Asperger's. People with Asperger's have friends and life and work...

It's just that for some reason, no-one would employ me. None of my talents, interests, things I have learned, is interesting for anyone. Not even if they got it for free.
I can only assume it's because it comes attached to me.

I don't know how other people see me.
It must be pretty bad.

Those people whose job it is to make people like me, people with Asperger's, feel wanted and at home in the society, did exact the opposite. And they don't even bother to fix it. After meeting them, I feel even worse about myself and how the society sees me. I mean... if even they...

And I'm angry at myself who still tries to please people, and be kind and generous and giving and loving and everything I have learned the society wants... Why am I not doing all that to my husband, who really loves me and would appreciate everything I do, and would express it too?

I am afraid it will be the same way with him as with everyone else.
I'm afraid I will start believing he is with me only for what I give.
And my fibromyalgia is robbing me of things to give.

On the other hand... the rest of the world doesn't give a shit about what I can give.
They just don't want it.

I am terrified.
by the future.
All I can in the future is pain and loneliness.
I won't be able to take care of myself, and no-one will want to.
One day Henric dies.
What then?

Well... that day is not today.
I'm still able to do things.

I need to stop trying to please "people" and start pleasing me. I mean... as it doesn't work, why even try?
I know I can please me.
I know I like my company.
I know I appreciate my gifts, talents, ability, interests.

I get so tired...

I have Asperger's which means that relevancy and being on topic is very important to me.
For some weird reason these things seems to be of no importance to all "normal" people. At least if one looks at their behavior...

I politely asked another pinner to move a pin, because it was in "wrong" board.
(I am aware of that it's my definition of "wrong", but I also pointed out that if she thinks I'm out of line, she can just ignore my comment and delete it, and everything is fine.)

A third person comments, telling me what a horrible person I am.
I respond, still calm and collected, though rather sarcastic, because she was doing exactly what she said pisses her off. :-D
She responds, by saying something like "karma is a bitch" - and as I was being polite, and she was not, that comment made no sense what so ever.
So I asked her what she thought she meant with that comment.
Of course the idiot didn't bother responding. I assume she thinks she had been really clever and "shown the a-hole". *sigh*

Well... today a fourth person joined the discussion, and told me to get a life.

Oh... so she finds my choice of how to spend my life objectionable. Firstly, it really isn't any of her business, and secondly... it's apparently totally ok to attack people on the internet, but asking politely people to move pins is worth being attacked? Or is it horribly bad behavior to defend oneself against the attack?

I'm rather upset right now, because the owner of the pin, who would have the power to delete all the messages, is doing absolutely nothing, and these two bitches think it's ok to criticize *my* behavior, and no-one seems to find anything wrong with that.
I hate bitches like that, because they get away with that shit, and *I* end up taking the blame and punishment and abuse these people and their equally stupid bitch friends think they have the right to pour over me...

Why isn't anyone telling the Bitch #1 that it's not ok to talk to other people like that, that it's not ok to attack people whose comments you don't like, that it's not "karma" when you abuse a person who has not been abusive.
Perhaps they are afraid of being attacked as well, as the Bitch #1 is obviously both mean and stupid. Except those idiots, who think Bitch #1 is right and acting correctly.

How the hell can anyone think it's ok to call a person names, who is politely asking a favor from someone else?

And why even bother being nice and polite? I won't get what I want, I'll just get a bucket load of crap instead, from people who have nothing to do with the issue in the first place. 

A year later

It's been 368 days.

At first... it was hard to understand what happened... with the shock and all...
but it's hard to understand what happened, still.
A year later...

I had plans.
It went well. A bit too well. And I broke my foot.
Then it didn't go well at all.
Then it didn't go at all.

I can't handle this.