"Keep your thoughts in the places that you want to be, dear friend. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline, but it is so worth it to train your mind to shy away from fear, hopelessness, dread, negativity, anger and jealousy. It truly is possible to practice day by day turning your thoughts towards gratitude, happiness and goodness, true happiness for the accomplishments and blessings of others, hope for the future, and forgiveness....even in the most difficult of times.
Each day, just make a solid decision that you will do whatever it takes to feel peace for the rest of the day. When a difficult feeling or situation arises, remind yourself of the commitment that you made that morning. Focus your mind on the beauty of the world, on the love that others have for you, on the love that you have for others, and on the blessings that you find in the moment (even if those blessings are as small as the fact that you have a roof over your head) and focus on hope for better days.
We must choose for yourself how you will feel, how you will react, how you will move forward in each moment. No one can do this for us. It is SO worth the work it takes to train ourselves to continuously focus on what is RIGHT rather than what is wrong.
Yesterday I joined Amelie Chance's mailing list about how to get over a broken heart. This is today's message:
"...whatever the thoughts are – you miss him or her, you hate this feeling, you feel like crud – the issue is that they repeat themselves over and over and…And my husband reminded me of the power of mantra. And I'm not talking about the transcendental crap (excuse my attitude), but what actually happens when you repeat something over and over again so that it becomes automatic. It has a calming effect. It stops you from obsessing. Your mind is already "obsessing" about the mantra, and your mind is very easily bored and fickle. It cannot hold an emotion more than 10 seconds. Anything beyond that is your own, conscious doing, and if you are being distracted by the mantra, you can't upkeep the emotion.
...there is a way to put an end to nagging thoughts. Like your attachment to your ex, your attachment to these thoughts has been hard wired in your mind. The attachment has actually formed pathways in your brain…
The first method is to literally flip the thoughts on their head with a more realistic, positive statement. One of the statements I started with, "I'm never going to meet anyone else" is a common post-break up fear. If you step back and focus within, you know that this is simply not true.
Whether you're a youngster or late into your years, the likelihood of never meeting anyone else is, well, zero. You will. So, the first statement that you won't is an unrealistic one. The reason you keep thinking about it over and over is because having a broken heart HURTS and your subconscious mind is trying to protect you from going through this pain ever again.
When you have a recurring negative thought, first pause and take a moment. Thank your brain for trying to protect you. I'm serious, actually say, “Thanks brain, I got it, you're protecting me.” Then rethink the thought in a more realistic method - “The more likely outcome is that I will meet someone.”
In order to rewire your mind to reference the positive thought and totally get rid of the negative one, write it down. Each time you have the thought, flip it to the realistic thought - in writing. Use sticky notes or use your phone...writing it out will rewire that
stubborn mind of yours..."
And I was reminded of the Lesson of The Fool - "on the contrary".
I think I'm worthless, so I'll flip the idea around and say "No, you're wrong, I'm worth a lot!"
You say I can't do something, I'll do it just to show that I can.
I'm afraid of something, so I'll do just that.
Now, these people make me feel... no, *I* make myself feel worthless, ugly, disgusting, whiny, childish and bothersome.
I need to tell myself that I am worthy, beautiful and pleasing.
I need to remind me of that my complaints are reasonable and sound, and my cause is just, and of course people try to get rid of me and my complaints by calling me whiny and bothersome. That is what happens to everyone who has complaints.
That what you call childish, I call naïve, childlike, innocent, guileless, sensitive, genuine, natural, simple, spontaneous, trusting, open, honest, ingenuous, sincere, unartificial, unpretentious, open, undisguised, unreserved, unaffected, unfeigned - and it's delightful, fresh and adorable!
There is nothing wrong with any of these qualities, even when there are people who try to push you down and destroy your innocence by calling you "childish", as if being "mature" was being a deceitful, dishonest, sly, devious, lying, complicated, untrusting, untrustworthy, fake, evasive, insincere, secretive, unnatural, contrived, pretentious PIECE OF SH*T!
Yes, I am naïve, I admit that. Because there's nothing wrong in being naïve, and everything wrong with people who would abuse and mock naïvity.