Tuesday, September 22, 2009

According to this ideal body weight calculator, I should weight around 70 kilos. I weight 105.9 kg. BMI 37.5. Ok, so I'm fat. So?

Diseases linked to obesity are: diabetes, gallstones, problems with breathing, sleep apnea, problems with heart and veins, problems with back and legs and problems with menstruation, fertility and pregnancy.

Now, I have problems with breathing and sleep apnea and problems with legs. It would be nice to not to have pain in knees and ankles and to be able to breathe and sleep normally. I also do NOT want diabetes, gallstones or heart problems.
But nice enough to start loosing weight?

I can have my comfort. Nothing stops me from sitting in a sofa in my flanell nightie and duvet and books and tv. I just have to change my eating and start exercising. That takes only half an hour a day from sofa time. Not too dangerous and hard, don't you agree?

I don't need to sacrifice any of my favorite foods. I can eat anything, just not as much.
Two spoonfuls of macaroni and cheese is just as good as a whole bowl.
A quarter cinnamon roll is just as good as five.
A handful of candy is just as good as a bowlful.
If I eat my candy a handful a day, a bowl lasts a lot longer. I can eat my candy and have it too, you see ;-)
It also saves money which I can use to buy me something else I like, like more yarn, books, CDs, DVDs, jewelry, art... pretty clothes or materials to make pretty clothes. They make very few pretty clothes of my size, and I can sew, so I can make my own pretty clothes. Or I could, if not all my money went on candy and fast food ;-)

I should eat when I'm hungry, what I want and stop eating when I'm not hungry anymore. If it means eating a bite of a sandwich every two hours, then that's what I should do.

I should eat what I eat between 6AM and 6PM. People who eat breakfast and who don't eat at night have better BMI than people who skip the breakfast and eat after 8PM.

I should be drinking water and take my multivitamins and fish oil :-) That helps too.

Here's a very good article to help you decide what changes you need to do to loose weight. If you want to... ;-)

But why loose weight, other than for health reasons?
Health reasons should be enough, but the thing is that I hate the way I look. I think I'm disgusting. I think others think I'm disgusting. I am ashamed of the way I look. I hate being fat. I am ashamed for being fat. It is eating my self confidence. I don't do a lot of things because I'm fat.
I don't go to a gym,
I don't start martial arts training, even though I love martial arts passionately. I drool over swords and watch action movie fight scenes with shining eyes and manic grin.
I don't go to yoga.
I don't do parkour, even though I love that too.
I don't do acrobatics and contortion, and I would love to. I would love to be able to sit on my own head :-D
I don't go bungyjumping nor do any of the extreme things I long to do.
I'm too fat and heavy, people would laugh at me, I would damage myself or the equipment, people would laugh at me...

I want to be beautiful and sexy, and not only to my husband. I want to give my husband a wife to be proud of. I know he's proud of me, because he has expressed it very clearly that he is, but I don't think other guys think he's lucky to have me. I think they laugh at him, pity him, think he's a looser, because I'm fat.

I also want to wear pretty clothes and look good in them. As it is now, I look fat in almost anything, BECAUSE I AM FAT! I don't think I look good. My sisters are all lean and beautiful and dress well, and I'm just fat. I hate going to clothes stores, when the biggest size they have is 42, perhaps 44, and I am size 50. It is extremely painful and humiliating and just increases my feeling of being left out and being ignored. They don't even bother clothing me! I am to wear some old sack and go be ashamed of myself for being such a fat looser, not to come into their posh store with clothes for WOMEN. Fat women are not women, just something... disgusting.
As Oscar de la Renta put it, when asked by a large woman if he could make her clothes; "Madam, I am not an upholsterer, I design CLOTHES" (A statement I will NEVER forgive him. NEVER!)
That story is supposed to be funny, but excuse me for not laughing when a person is reduced into a walking piece of furniture, and especially when it's done by one of the privileged people. His charity work and work for environment doesn't excuse him. Frankly, it's his DUTY to give at least 10 percent of his incomes to charity anyway, and he gets very well paid by people's admiration of his "generosity" and "kindness". Bah! Insensitive, prejudiced b--rd, that's what he is.

Sure, he designs very nice clothes, but let's face it -
anyone can dress a model and make it look good. It takes a real designer to dress a woman who is not perfect and make it look good.

Oscar de la Renta cannot do that.

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