Saturday, August 18, 2012

I'm really sad right now

I cut out soda. Not 100%. The last half a year I have drank 4 cans of soda. I drink water instead. I drink a lot of water. No change in my weight.

I stopped eating at least 3 hours before bed. I eat between 7 A.M. and 7 P.M. I drink tea if I'm hungry after seven, and wait for the breakfast. Hey, I'm fat. I'm not going to starve to death because I have to wait for 12 hours to eat! But - no change in my weight.

I started walking. 5K every day. It took me over an hour the first times I did it. No change in my weight. I started walking 10K, because I got angry, and it was too much, too early, I hurt my foot and was unable to walk 100 meters... Really fun. But - no change in my weight.

Portion control? Not really. I TRY to, but I still eat too much. So I try to eat good things, like veggies, fruits, meat, eggs and unsweetened dairy.
I try to avoid starch like potatoes, bread or pasta. I avoid sugar like hell.
I don't avoid fat, because I don't believe in fat being a bad thing. Perhaps it is.
I give myself one "candy day" every week, when I can eat anything I want to, as much of it as I want to...

I weighed myself every day, but when my weight was UNCHANGED after a MONTH of following these rules, that SHOULD "work", I was so disheartened and depressed, my husband hid the scales.
He allowed me to weigh myself this month. No change in weight.

I have been trying to lose weight for half a year now, doing these things. I have exercised, done my Callanetics, and, well, I'm getting more compact, thinner, less fat. But my weight is still the f-ing 106 kilos it has been through this whole half a year. Well... It fluctuates a little. I have weighed 104 kilos, and 108 kilos, but 9 times of 10 the weight will show 106 kilos. So - I don't give a damn about the 2 kilos yo-yo. I should have passed 100 kilos on my way down, already! I SHOULD HAVE!!!



How am I supposed to NOT stop eating, when changing my eating habits doesn't show anywhere?
How can I motivate me to change my eating habits, and deny myself unhealthy, nasty food, like candy, fast food, bread with butter, pasta with creamy sauces, baked goods, when avoiding them doesn't show anywhere?

I am desperate! Yes, I can blame my medication that apparently makes me go up in weight - so what I lose by dieting, I gain through the medicine. Yes, I can blame my sleep apnea. I can blame my stress and depression.

I just want to die.


  1. go to a doctor. maybe you have a thryoid problem or something. get it checked out.

    1. Oh, Anna :-) Thank you for the comment.
      I'll have time to sleep apnea doctor in September, and I hope it will solve at least half of the problem if not more.
      Thyroid gland has been checked, works normally, thank God for that!
      I also suspect I have ADD, so I grave sugar as self-medication...
      Most likely it is that I just eat too much and move too little. *sigh* It's usually that.
      I'm going to start swimming this week. Oh, I do hope something changes, and soon!