Thursday, October 4, 2012

Last night I dreamt...

About him... and he ended the relationship, and I refused to accept it, and this time he came down to talk with me. And he was sitting there, all calm and lovely and so, and asked why I do this. Why do I keep trying to get things in my life that don't belong there. Why don't I just move on with my life and see what's going to happen.
And I said "I assume it's because I'm bored..."


I did the Myers Briggs temperament test and got INFJ
I did Enneagram and got 3
Now... 3 and INFJ don't go together...

I have always wanted to be considered sanguine. I didn't think I'm worthy, though...
"The sanguine temperament is fundamentally impulsive and pleasure-seeking; sanguine people are sociable and charismatic. They tend to enjoy social gatherings, making new friends and tend to be boisterous. They are usually quite creative and often daydream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean sensitive, compassionate and romantic. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when they pursue a new hobby, they lose interest as soon as it ceases to be engaging or fun. They are very much people persons. They are talkative and not shy. Sanguines generally have an almost shameless nature, certain that what they are doing is right. They have no lack of confidence.
They are warm-hearted and pleasant.
They look alive and are very optimistic"
That sounds like me... 

So... I started thinking about my own theory, of wanting to be what we are supposed to be... and why not couldn't I be sanguine? Perhaps people who are NOT sanguine find sanguine people bothersome, butterflies with no sense or use... and I took a test.
Guess what?
Of course you guessed right :-D
Your temperament is sanguine.
So... what if I am extrovert? 8-o
What if the bullying I was subjected to since I was 9-10 until I was 18 has made me afraid of people?
What if my Asperger's is f-ing things up?
What if my 3 nature makes me such a skillful chameleon I have managed to convince myself of that I am an introvert?

What if this whole thing is just BS and has no what so ever meaning in the real life, but everything we are is an illusion, a trained behavior, and we can change who we are, such qualities considered to be inborn, like being extrovert or passionate?

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