It's 2011 and I weigh 104 kilos. I have never been this heavy in my life. I can barely breath, I suffer from sleep apnea, which causes me to be tired all the time, irritable, depressed, I am losing my memory and concentration, higher blood pressure, heart problems... and all kinds of other things.
Obesity itself causes
• ischemic heart disease: angina and myocardial infarction
• congestive heart failure
• high blood pressure
• abnormal cholesterol levels
• deep vein thrombosis and pulmonary embolism
• diabetes mellitus
• polycystic ovarian syndrome
• menstrual disorders
• complications during pregnancy
• birth defects
• intrauterine fetal death
• meralgia paresthetica
• carpal tunnel syndrome
• idiopathic intracranial hypertension
• multiple sclerosis
• social stigmatization
• poor mobility
• low back pain
• stretch marks
• acanthosis nigricans
• gastroesophageal reflux disease
• fatty liver disease
• cholelithiasis (gallstones)
• obstructive sleep apnea
• obesity hypoventilation syndrome
• increased complications during general anaesthesia
• erectile dysfunction
• urinary incontinence
• chronic renal failure
• breast, ovarian
• esophageal, colorectal
• liver, pancreatic
• gallbladder, stomach
• endometrial, cervical
• prostate, kidney
• non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, multiple myeloma
I MUST loose weight. I NEED to loose weight. I WANT to loose weight. But for some reason I don't get this. My wrists hr like hll every day, I have asthma and sleep apnea, my blood pressure is getting quite high, and STILL I DON'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
I know EXACTLY what I need to do right now. Eat less, move more. It really is that simple. But I don't do that. For some weird, sick, wicked reason I don't...
I complain about being sick, I mourn about all the things I cannot do anymore, but I do nothing to change the situation.
All that is something that happens to someone else, not me, even though
IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED TO ME.
Being size 50 means 90% of commercial fashion is not available for me. If I want clothes I like I have to make them. And it won't look as nice as when slim people are wearing it.
Why do I eat? Because I can. Because it's "affordable luxury", pleasure, joy, positive sensual experience...
Because I can do it at home.
Why don't I move? It's uncomfortable, even painful to move. It takes time, you can't do other things when you "move". I can't use the internet and exercise, I can't read a book and exercise, I can't craft and exercise...
But I'm dying... Can't do any of those things when I'm dead either.