Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Hi, I'm Ket and I'm a messie

"Messies accumulate piles of papers and other objects in their homes, so that the space becomes nearly uninhabitable. This behaviour resembles addiction, and those affected often realize they are behaving irrationally. Objects are kept because they might come in handy some time, or because they are associated with memories which make it impossible to throw them away. Messies are often unable to allow visitors into their homes and as a result become increasingly isolated. Many messies hold on to the illusion of sorting through their piles and creating a well-organized archive."
- ican films: messies

I have problems with keeping my home clean. We have a lot of stuff, but not really places to storage it all.

I don't see myself as a hoarder - or collector - even though my home reminds of the homes presented in "Hoarders". There isn't that much of trash lying around, but there's stuff. I suppose a lot of people would classify some of the stuff as trash, even me, but it's hard to spot what is trash and what is not in the mess.
Yes, it's that messy.
You might say I collect books and "craft material" ("I can do something with this"), but I wouldn't call accumulating these things collecting. You collect things like butterflies or stamps, not "craft material". It's not hoarding either, because I wouldn't care if most of the books and the "craft material" was lost. Now, there are things with a high sentimental value to me. Books I know I want to read over and over... the mere idea of letting go of them gives me anxiety. I don't think that's what they mean with hoarding. (I suppose I AM a book hoarder... *blush*)

Frankly... I don't find this a picture of a cluttered room, but a very cosy and lovely room.
I wonder if it's the antique book shop in Paris, where people can sleep.

Are You A Clutterer Test

1. Do you feel overwhelmed when thinking about your clutter?

2. Have you tried to "clean up" or "organize" yourself repeatedly, with no lasting results?
Yes. It's like loosing weight. I'm yo-yo cleaning.

3. Are you ashamed to have anyone come to your home?
Oh, yes. Cleanliness is close to godliness, and untidy people are lazy. So my home is a proof of that I'm a bad person. Besides, people find messy homes nasty and don't want to come.

4. Do you feel more confused in your home than in the outside world?
No. I'm an Aspie. This is my mess, outside the home it's just as messy, but it's someone else's mess, and extremely much bigger problem, and totally unmanageable by one person. I might be able to keep my home clean, but not the world.

5. Do you find yourself buying more of everything because, "you never know when you will run out?"

6. Do you have multiple copies of books, software, clothing or any other items because you couldn't find what you already owned when you needed it?
No. I'm poor. I can't afford not finding what I need.

7. Has your spouse or partner expressed dismay about the way you live?
Well... yes, but he's a messie too, and in my mind even worse than I am. He is a hoarder.

8. Do you flit from one task to another, feeling like you never get anything done?
Not really... I feel like Sisyphus. I get one corner cleaned and go to clean the next corner, and when that's done, the first corner is messy again. Or, it's the yo-yo cleaning. I clean and clean, and after a week it's clean and I'm dead tired, and after a couple of days it needs to be done again. The work never ends, and my home is never clean.

9. Do you find that you concentrate better in noisy situations?
I don't find much difference. I try not to multitask, but it's not easy.

10. Do you find yourself getting distracted easily?

11. Do you feel like, "What's the use, it will just get messed up again," when you begin to declutter?
As said before. Yes.

12. Do you hold onto broken items because "they might come in handy someday," or "I'm going to fix them someday?"
Some. Also, "it's not that broken, I can still use it" or "I could make something of it".

13. Do you hold onto relationships that do not serve you because, "This is the best I can do?"
Not really.

Do you feel like there will never be enough for you?
Do you believe that you do not deserve any better than what you have?
Not really. Sometimes I think this is my destiny, that my things won't stay nice and whole and clean, that everything will be tainted somehow, because it's mine. I don't dare to get nice things, because they will be damaged anyway. Not because I'm not worth it, because I am, but because things tend to taint near me. It's better we have an armchair rescued from trashes than go and buy something expensive (yes, new armchairs from stores are expensive in our budget) just to see it get destroyed in a matter of months. Nothing lasts for years in this household, so it's no use spending money on good things.

15. Do you feel more "lack" than prosperity in your life?
I feel "I can't afford..." I consider myself quite rich in the life area... I'm loved, I'm relatively healthy, I'm talented and blessed... that there is not that much things and money and stuff isn't really important.

16. Do you find it hard to decide what is worth keeping and what is not?
Not really.

17. Do you obsess about saving food? Do you have enough canned goods to feed the neighborhood?

18. Do you save garbage -- fast food boxes and wrappers, obvious trash, things that smell bad etc?

Yes, I'm a clutterer.
I don't have ADHD, but my husband does.
I don't have OCD.
I'm not a hoarder.
I am also - actually - a pretty good organizer. I'm an Aspie. But I can't afford all the fancy organizing solutions. I wish I could, but I can't. An organizer would not be able to help me with the mess, unless she/he comes with the fancy organizing solutions. >:->

Step One

Make a strong take-off every day. A good take-off sets the tone of the day. When you:

WAKE UP — set a time
JUMP UP — don’t lie in bed, there’s a wonderful world waiting
MAKE UP — the bed immediately, automatically
EAT UP — something nutritious
WASH UP — bathe body or wash face
BRUSH UP — take care of your teeth
DRESS UP — completely from head to toe including hair, shoes, and makeup of some kind on your face
LOOK UP — somewhere during the day you need to turn your heart upward to God (a great way to start the day)

Add any other steps you may need to your flight plan, like TAKE A WALK. They don’t have to end with UP.

- messies anonymous - getting started
Yeah... I was a member of Fly Ladies for some time. I was irritated by the snobbish attitude. Everyone seemed to assume that people had dishwashers, laundry machines, cars... people were told to buy organizing helpers from the "head quarters". The last straw for me was when one of the other members told proudly how she and her siblings had "crash-cleaned" their hoarder-mother's house, without her knowledge or consent... The other members praised her and told her that her mother will forgive and it was the right thing to do, and I lost it. I told the group that I have seldom seen such inconsiderate violation of people's rights and that I refuse to be part of a group where the economical value and some social image is more important than respecting people's right to decide for themselves. The children seemed to be more worried about their mother's house loosing value than anything else. Even if the mother's health was in jeopardy, it's not the children's business, but the mother's alone. If she asked for help, then the issue had been different, but she didn't. I'm pretty sure she will "forgive" her children, but she will never trust them again, and the situation will be just as bad within a couple of months, as such "interventions" only deal with the symptoms, and not the disease.
So, when I now look at "dress up - completely from head to toe including hair, shoes and makeup of some kind on your face", my hair raises. The second step - if I remember correctly - of Fly Ladies was to wear laced shoes... Now, in my culture people don't wear shoes inside. I could be wearing slippers, and I do, in winter, when it's cold, but most of the time I go barefeet at home. I also don't use makeup and I find the mere suggestion offensive, controlling and snobbish. Also, even if I'm Theist, I know a lot of others are not, and the suggestion of "looking up" has a disagreeable taste. What if I'm not a 50's housewife type?