How are you? I'm fine, thanks!

I'm on Atkins again. This time it seems it's going to work.
I don't like it. I want to glutton on pasta, bread and pastry, I have been on Pinterest, and it's full of wonderful recipes of cakes and sweets and lovely things. :-(
Well... the internet will be there in a year, when I can eat something like that once a month or so.
That's the thing with it. I just need to remember not to give up what I really, really, really want, for what I feel like wanting right now. :-D

I really want to lose weight. I really hate being the "fat aunt". I know it's good for my nieces and nephews, to know fat people and to know we are good and kind and fun and wise and nice to be with.
But - I don't want to be that aunt.
I want to be that active, slender, able aunt, whom you ask to go skateboarding or freerunning with you :-D

Another thing.

I read yesterday about the inner critic. Mine is really bad. She is kind of the woman I would have been, if I had had a good self-confidence. I would have been a real bitch. She is ruthless, critical, intelligent, and demanding. And she has that nasty "I'm just telling you the truth, so that you won't go imagining things and getting hurt" attitude. You know, when people tell you "truths" in the most hurtful and inconsiderate manner, and you ought to be grateful, because she just wants the best for you. Bitch.

Anyway, I have a "bodyguard". What Little My would be, if she was normal size human and about 14, and she has a baseball bat, which she swings, when she chases away the people I'm not to think about, like my inner critic, or... someone.

And I find myself protecting him from her. I want to have him in my life.
So even if the memories make me cry, I try desperately hang on to them, even though they are so twisted now, that they only make me cry and feel really bad about myself... but that's better than not having him at all.

Hello, yeah, it's been a while
Not much, how 'bout you?
I'm not sure why I called
I guess I really just wanted to talk to you
And I was thinking maybe later on
We could get together for a while
It's been such a long time
And I really do miss your smile

I'm not talking 'bout moving in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out
And I'd really love to see you tonight

We could go walking through a windy park
Or take a drive along the beach
Or stay at home and watch T.V.
You see, it really doesn’t matter much to me

I'm not talking 'bout moving in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out
And I'd really love to see you tonight

I won't ask for promises
So you won't have to lie
We've both played that game before
Say I love you, then say goodbye

I'm not talking 'bout moving in
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out
And I'd really love to see you tonight

And I'm angry at myself, because I shouldn't... and that's the inner critic voicing herself again. Brumma!