Yesterday something happened that made me think that no-one wants anything I have to give.
No-one but my family, of course.
And it reminded me of a previous experience, that I interpreted to mean exactly the same.
No-one wants what I have to give.
People don't read my blogs. Well... you do, obviously. But you are very alone on this blog.
Of course I want to have a social life.
And it's not just my Asperger's. People with Asperger's have friends and life and work...
It's just that for some reason, no-one would employ me. None of my talents, interests, things I have learned, is interesting for anyone. Not even if they got it for free.
I can only assume it's because it comes attached to me.
I don't know how other people see me.
It must be pretty bad.
Those people whose job it is to make people like me, people with Asperger's, feel wanted and at home in the society, did exact the opposite. And they don't even bother to fix it. After meeting them, I feel even worse about myself and how the society sees me. I mean... if even they...
And I'm angry at myself who still tries to please people, and be kind and generous and giving and loving and everything I have learned the society wants... Why am I not doing all that to my husband, who really loves me and would appreciate everything I do, and would express it too?
I am afraid it will be the same way with him as with everyone else.
I'm afraid I will start believing he is with me only for what I give.
And my fibromyalgia is robbing me of things to give.
On the other hand... the rest of the world doesn't give a shit about what I can give.
They just don't want it.
I am terrified.
by the future.
All I can in the future is pain and loneliness.
I won't be able to take care of myself, and no-one will want to.
One day Henric dies.
What then?
Well... that day is not today.
I'm still able to do things.
I need to stop trying to please "people" and start pleasing me. I mean... as it doesn't work, why even try?
I know I can please me.
I know I like my company.
I know I appreciate my gifts, talents, ability, interests.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Saturday, March 9, 2013
I get so tired...
I have Asperger's which means that relevancy and being on topic is very important to me.
For some weird reason these things seems to be of no importance to all "normal" people. At least if one looks at their behavior...
I politely asked another pinner to move a pin, because it was in "wrong" board.
(I am aware of that it's my definition of "wrong", but I also pointed out that if she thinks I'm out of line, she can just ignore my comment and delete it, and everything is fine.)
A third person comments, telling me what a horrible person I am.
I respond, still calm and collected, though rather sarcastic, because she was doing exactly what she said pisses her off. :-D
She responds, by saying something like "karma is a bitch" - and as I was being polite, and she was not, that comment made no sense what so ever.
So I asked her what she thought she meant with that comment.
Of course the idiot didn't bother responding. I assume she thinks she had been really clever and "shown the a-hole". *sigh*
Well... today a fourth person joined the discussion, and told me to get a life.
Oh... so she finds my choice of how to spend my life objectionable. Firstly, it really isn't any of her business, and secondly... it's apparently totally ok to attack people on the internet, but asking politely people to move pins is worth being attacked? Or is it horribly bad behavior to defend oneself against the attack?
I'm rather upset right now, because the owner of the pin, who would have the power to delete all the messages, is doing absolutely nothing, and these two bitches think it's ok to criticize *my* behavior, and no-one seems to find anything wrong with that.
I hate bitches like that, because they get away with that shit, and *I* end up taking the blame and punishment and abuse these people and their equally stupid bitch friends think they have the right to pour over me...
Why isn't anyone telling the Bitch #1 that it's not ok to talk to other people like that, that it's not ok to attack people whose comments you don't like, that it's not "karma" when you abuse a person who has not been abusive.
Perhaps they are afraid of being attacked as well, as the Bitch #1 is obviously both mean and stupid. Except those idiots, who think Bitch #1 is right and acting correctly.
How the hell can anyone think it's ok to call a person names, who is politely asking a favor from someone else?
And why even bother being nice and polite? I won't get what I want, I'll just get a bucket load of crap instead, from people who have nothing to do with the issue in the first place.
For some weird reason these things seems to be of no importance to all "normal" people. At least if one looks at their behavior...
I politely asked another pinner to move a pin, because it was in "wrong" board.
(I am aware of that it's my definition of "wrong", but I also pointed out that if she thinks I'm out of line, she can just ignore my comment and delete it, and everything is fine.)
A third person comments, telling me what a horrible person I am.
I respond, still calm and collected, though rather sarcastic, because she was doing exactly what she said pisses her off. :-D
She responds, by saying something like "karma is a bitch" - and as I was being polite, and she was not, that comment made no sense what so ever.
So I asked her what she thought she meant with that comment.
Of course the idiot didn't bother responding. I assume she thinks she had been really clever and "shown the a-hole". *sigh*
Well... today a fourth person joined the discussion, and told me to get a life.
Oh... so she finds my choice of how to spend my life objectionable. Firstly, it really isn't any of her business, and secondly... it's apparently totally ok to attack people on the internet, but asking politely people to move pins is worth being attacked? Or is it horribly bad behavior to defend oneself against the attack?
I'm rather upset right now, because the owner of the pin, who would have the power to delete all the messages, is doing absolutely nothing, and these two bitches think it's ok to criticize *my* behavior, and no-one seems to find anything wrong with that.
I hate bitches like that, because they get away with that shit, and *I* end up taking the blame and punishment and abuse these people and their equally stupid bitch friends think they have the right to pour over me...
Why isn't anyone telling the Bitch #1 that it's not ok to talk to other people like that, that it's not ok to attack people whose comments you don't like, that it's not "karma" when you abuse a person who has not been abusive.
Perhaps they are afraid of being attacked as well, as the Bitch #1 is obviously both mean and stupid. Except those idiots, who think Bitch #1 is right and acting correctly.
How the hell can anyone think it's ok to call a person names, who is politely asking a favor from someone else?
And why even bother being nice and polite? I won't get what I want, I'll just get a bucket load of crap instead, from people who have nothing to do with the issue in the first place.
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