Tuesday, October 16, 2012

More about type 3 and other such.

 I am a three.
Why do I believe so?

"Basic Fear: Of being worthless"
I started crying.

"Threes keep driving themselves to excel until they burn themselves out and become more detached and passive when they go to Nine."

I am a veritable cliff when I feel good, engaging and responsible, and apathic when I feel bad. I just die. Become a limp, lifeless ragdoll. Turn away from the world, become "detached and passive".

The most important quality in life is beauty, and then kindness, helping others, and then originality, authenticity, creativity. 3, 2 and 4.
I try to become the best me I can be.
It is important to perform and succeed.
I like to be liked, appreciated, valued, admired. :-) I like it a lot.
I like to win. I like to be the best.
I want to win prizes in what I do.
I want to get the audience's approval, love and admiration.
I want to wow people.
I want them to look at me and what I do and think I'm beautiful, amazing, magnificent, wonderful. I want them to see me as an ideal and role model, and I want them to envy me, my beauty and my capacity. My gifts, my talents, my intellect, my skills.

"The personality type Three exemplifies the search for the validation of the self, and so Threes look to esteemed others to determine who they must be, what they must do, in order to feel valuable and worthwhile as human beings."
"Threes will strive to exemplify whatever qualities are honored in their given milieu."
Yes, kindness and goodness; and artistic perfectionism, originality, creativity... "I want to be prolific, loved and good writer".

"Of course, Threes have feelings, but as much as possible, they put them on the backburner whenever there are things to get done—and with many Threes, that is most of the time. As Threes become less healthy, they increasingly see their own feelings as "speed bumps"–annoyances that must be dealt with but which interfere with their effectiveness. Threes want to get their goals accomplished, and then, time permitting, process their feelings"
This is me to the tee.

As far as I understand, Threes are chameleons. They are what ever they think people want them to be.

I read somewhere that women show often trades of Twos, because that's what they are expected to be.

I don't know...

I'm kind of circling there with 2s, 3s and 4s, and... that is typical for Threes, isn't it?

I have BDD and I'm an overachiever and heavily codependent. It's hard for health care personnel and social secretaries etc. to help me, because I'm always, always, always trying to find out what THEY are expecting of me, and do my best to give it to them.
So that's kind of confirms the Three.

But then I read descriptions of Threes, and 3/2 wings and 3/4 wings and... I think the descriptions are horrible!

"The vanity of three"
"the vain desire to be admired and attractive"
"they want to reach the largest possible audience"
"the false polish" - "their false emotional facade" - "veneer of artificial coolness"

"nice-seeming, quiet people who just happen to be mass-murderers"
"capable of atrocities"

All threes are vain, narcissistic, manipulative, fake, psychopaths, drama queens and attention whores!

Well... I suppose I can be theatrical, excessive, easily fall into self-pity, over-sensitive and whiny. And I do deserve love and jewels. :-D

Ok... That's about the unbalanced, disturbed and damaged Threes.

"...genuine self-observation, and... ...appropriate humility. ...friendly and personable people whose natural social skills help others feel comfortable. "
"...an astonishing ability to generate enthusiastic optimism and self-confidence in others. ...an expert motivational speaker, and often takes advantage of that skill. The uplifting message is delivered with style and power, zooming right to the heart of the listener, where the magic of positive thinking can begin. These are the teachers who bring us to our feet shouting and jumping for joy, eager to take the reins of our life and charge onward into the future."

Ok... I adore Tony Robbins. Absolutely adore him. Wouldn't mind being like him.

"...gentle, compassionate... ...sense of social responsibility combines with the wisdom that comes from emotional equanimity" 
"good advisers... ...mentors or career counselors" 
"devoted to improving life for everyone on the planet" 
"spreading a sense of confidence and optimism... Wherever they go they leave behind a feeling of deep connection and belonging. They are subtle teachers who set an example of compassionate action."

I do like winning. I'm rather competitive. I can't resist a challenge.
But I don't want to win at any price. I won't climb over people to win. I'm the guy who'll stop and let someone to win just to help someone else.

"These are charmers, often strikingly attractive, embodying conventional ideals of beauty and grace, being all things to all people."
Oh... I wouldn't mind. I have always wanted to be a sorceress :-D Enchantress... Circe.

"they make exceptional politicians, being tactful, shrewd and able to “get with the program”, astutely assessing the opposition, noting strengths and weakness, and being adept at changing their tune if required."
Being charismatic, manipulative... I wouldn't mind... because OF COURSE *I* wouldn't be like the others... ;-)

"...when healthy altruists, can be inspiring embodiments of achievement, self- transcendence, perseverance and perspicacity."
Er... what? LOL "Speak English!"

altruist is a person unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others, the opposite of egoist.

self-transcendence is the ability to go beyond one's borders

perseverance is steady persistent in a course of action in spite of difficulties

perspicacity is a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight - clear and keen intellect and discernment...

"Threes make excellent ambassadors"

Hmm... One of my favorite self-created characters is a Vulpian (a vixen >:->) ambassador, a curvy red-head, seductive, attractive, intelligent, with Southern Belle charm and manners and iron-hand-in-velvet-glove spirit... Think Morgan Le Fay, Macchiavelli's Prince, Pratchett's Vetinari, Milady Winter and Cardinal Richelieu baked in one person - but this lady is good, kind and gentle... *sigh*
Sounds like a Three, don't you think?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Last night I dreamt...

About him... and he ended the relationship, and I refused to accept it, and this time he came down to talk with me. And he was sitting there, all calm and lovely and so, and asked why I do this. Why do I keep trying to get things in my life that don't belong there. Why don't I just move on with my life and see what's going to happen.
And I said "I assume it's because I'm bored..."


I did the Myers Briggs temperament test and got INFJ
I did Enneagram and got 3
Now... 3 and INFJ don't go together...

I have always wanted to be considered sanguine. I didn't think I'm worthy, though...
"The sanguine temperament is fundamentally impulsive and pleasure-seeking; sanguine people are sociable and charismatic. They tend to enjoy social gatherings, making new friends and tend to be boisterous. They are usually quite creative and often daydream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean sensitive, compassionate and romantic. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when they pursue a new hobby, they lose interest as soon as it ceases to be engaging or fun. They are very much people persons. They are talkative and not shy. Sanguines generally have an almost shameless nature, certain that what they are doing is right. They have no lack of confidence.
They are warm-hearted and pleasant.
They look alive and are very optimistic"
That sounds like me... 

So... I started thinking about my own theory, of wanting to be what we are supposed to be... and why not couldn't I be sanguine? Perhaps people who are NOT sanguine find sanguine people bothersome, butterflies with no sense or use... and I took a test.
Guess what?
Of course you guessed right :-D
Your temperament is sanguine.
So... what if I am extrovert? 8-o
What if the bullying I was subjected to since I was 9-10 until I was 18 has made me afraid of people?
What if my Asperger's is f-ing things up?
What if my 3 nature makes me such a skillful chameleon I have managed to convince myself of that I am an introvert?

What if this whole thing is just BS and has no what so ever meaning in the real life, but everything we are is an illusion, a trained behavior, and we can change who we are, such qualities considered to be inborn, like being extrovert or passionate?